This is the Way the World Ends?

According to some rabid Christians driving across the country in RVs, the end days are upon us. In fact, they begin on this coming Saturday May 21st. These zealots point to biblical proof that at 6pm on Saturday the faithful will be raptured, or taken bodily into Heaven, by God. This will leave the imperfect, the sinners, behind on earth to face massive earthquakes and a hell-like war between the forces of good led by one Mr. Jesus Christ and the forces of evil led by the Anti-Christ (so I guess Dick Cheney is going to come back to public “service”). As many faithful Snarklet readers know, the Apocalypse an interest of this blog, but I am not pulling together a survival kit or stocking up on ammo, plastic sheeting and duct tape. Because, dear readers, I don’t believe this is the real thing. First of all the bible is not a good source for concrete information of any kind. It is a book with many authors and drawn from many sources throughout human history. It is not an Ouija board. Second of all, the rapture cannot happen on Saturday because of Oprah. What does Oprah have to do with it? Good question. Think about Oprah. A woman who has given back to the world more than or as much as she has gained from it. She has used her media platform to educate and enlighten the world and to bring people of all races, religions and walks of life closer together. So if anyone deserves to be taken bodily into Heaven, it is Oprah Winfrey, and the reason it won’t happen on Saturday is because that day just won’t work for her. On May 25th the final episode of Oprah’s talk show airs. A star studded occasion that boasts ad prices of Super Bowl proportions, and there is no way that Oprah is going to miss that. She knows that her faithful fans deserve this final goodbye before she exits the syndicated talk show stage forever, and she is going to give it to them. The rapture can wait until Oprah has time for it.