The "prize" no woman wants

The whole world has now learned of (and jeered at) Wisconsin District Attorney Kenneth Kratz's "poor judgment."  It's taken a year, but now each and every one of his dozens of text messages to domestic abuse victim Stephanie Van Groll, part of an intense three-day campaign to get in her pants, have come to light. 

Kratz was supposed to be prosecuting the 26-year-old's boyfriend for domestic violence.  Instead, he regaled her with texted propositions, including these:

"Are you the kind of girl that likes secret contact with an older married elected DA ... the riskier the better?"

"Your low self-esteem and you fear you can't play in my big sandbox? Or???"

And my personal favorite: "I'm the atty. I have the $350,000 house. I have the 6-figure career. You may be the tall, young, hot nymph but I am the prize!"

Dear lord, if that's a prize, I may never eat Crackerjacks again. 

Shockingly, Kratz has been divorced three times since the mid-'90's. On top of his healthy self-esteem, the cretin apparently has no idea what women actually want.  A $350,000 house is nice, but only if there's not a wife currently living in it.  Six figures, you say?  How much is left after three divorces, assuming Wisconsin's joint marital property laws and the likelihood of child support?  I think a job at McDonald's could probably provide as much financial security, and I hear Ronald doesn't require lap dances or call you yucky things like "hot nymph."
 
I sincerely hope that none of you encounter similar blechxts, but knowing how attractive and intelligent the Snarklet readership is, we should make like Boy Scouts and Be Prepared.  It is only prudent that we formulate some basic responses that could be pre-programmed into our phones now (and perhaps shared with younger, more nymph-like siblings).  Please consider the following ideas and share your own suggestions under "Comments."
 
"Thanks, but I'm holding out for an internship with Letterman."
 
"UR icky. Leave me alone."
 
And the line that works in a surprising number of situations where scumbags attempt to over-inflate their attractiveness by calling attention to their financial assets: "Sorry about your penis!"  
 
Oh, and hell yeah.  Get over yourself Kratz, you're in the same category as Lindsey Lohan and the other losers.