New Year - New Start

Well Dear Snarklet readers, another year has ended, and I think it is time for a little reflection and housecleaning. 2010 had its high points like the birth of this fun little blog, and its low points like Bristol Palin on Dancing with the Stars. (She is NOT a star. In fact that show routinely stretches the definition of star so badly out of proportion that it is becomes a meaningless word, but that is the subject for another article.) Anyway, it occurred to me that there are some things we should just leave behind in 2010. Let’s really start this new year fresh and try to, against overwhelming odds, fulfill the promise of a brand new start. What follows is a list of all the top 5 things I would like to leave behind in 2010. Please feel free to add anything in the comments that you feel I may have missed.

1. New Jersey. Can we please stop airing shows about people from this state? If you believe the Jersey Shore, The Real Housewives of New Jersey, Jerseylicious, and The Sopranos, this state is populated with nothing by psychotic mobsters and idiotic bimbos and himbos who spend all their time tanning and partying. I would hope that the people of this state could develop a little self respect in 2011, and like Lindsey Lohan has done recently, spend the next 12 months lying low and reforming their image.


2. Sexting . So you want to engage in a little dirty talk with a significant other or maybe just that cutie you met at the bar last night. Nothing wrong with that impulse, it’s normal and can be kind of fun. In a committed relationship it can deepen your intimacy and lead to exploring new and exciting things with your partner. Unfortunately that is not what sexting is or does. Sexting is about broadcasting your intentions to the world by leaving a written record of all your kinky little fantasies. In the case of celebrities, gives the public TMI about their sex lives when the media gets a hold of them. C’mon we all know cell phones are not a private form of communication and texts can be traced very easily, besides a little dirty talk is always better face to face.


3. Skanky Mistresses of Celebrities. So he was a jerk and cheated on his wife with a tattooed Nazi stripper, it happens. What I object to is these females getting their 15 minutes of fame. Do the world a favor and crawl into a hole and hide. Don’t talk to the media and they will go away. Don’t try to set the record straight and act like you have something to say. You did a bad thing. You messed with someone else’s life and helped create a horrible situation. There is no justification for that. Keep what little dignity you may still possess and go away.


4. Gloria Allred. Lawyer and spokeswoman for the above mentioned skanky mistresses, why doesn’t she just go back to real lawyer work and stop being a fame whore? Why are you wasting your time representing these women who are, at best, abysmally stupid? They don’t need legal representation. They need a reality check.


5. The Palins. Every last member of this family needs to go back to the frozen tundra of Alaska and stay there. They are annoying and offer nothing of value to the world other than divisive political rhetoric and an insatiable thirst for the spotlight.

If You Like my Body & U WNT 2 TXT ME

Listening to the oldies station recently, I picked up on an interesting line in the song “If You Want My Body, and You Think I’m Sexy” a classic Rod Stewart song. The line went, “Give me a dime, so I can phone my mother.” It made me chuckle. How many younger people these days would even understand that line? How old does one have to be to remember public pay telephones that only cost a dime?
The other part that made me laugh was the fact that a boy was going to call his mother before he spent the night with a woman. Who does that? And how would that conversation go? “Uh, Mom, yeah. I’m going home with this chick because she wants my body and thinks I’m sexy, uh, so don’t wait up.” Is such a call a courteous custom that people practiced 30 years ago? I’m sure these days it would be a text.
Speaking of which, just recently in the school where I teach we have decided to grant students more freedom to text, as if they didn’t already have it. Now they are allowed to text at lunch and between classes. So really it means that now we don’t have to enforce those rules that no one was enforcing anyway. The idea is that granting them such a privilege will make it less likely that they will be texting during forbidden times (during classes) or in forbidden places (like the bathrooms and locker rooms – the worry here is about phones that take photos).
The student council was given the job of presenting this new privilege to the student body, and they made fancy posters urging students not to abuse it and warning them that if they did, their fellow students could turn them in by “anonymous email” to a teacher. Huh? Wait a minute! Something’s not right there. How does one send an anonymous email? And even if there were a way, a teacher taking the word of an anonymous someone as proof is worse than taking the word of the class tattle tale. The other part of the poster that most students will see right through is the fact that the consequences for abusing this privilege are basically the same as they were before with the added consequence of having to serve a detention with the teacher in whose class the cell phone was used. Yeah right! I’m going to serve detention based on an anonymous email tip!?! I guess the student council is either pretty clueless or freaking brilliant, depending on how you look at it.
Well, I hate to sound grumpy, old, and out of touch, but were we just as stupid and devious when we were kids? Maybe we were, but at least we had manners and would call our parents on those dime public pay phones if we weren’t coming home, and they were rotary dial phones too! Let’s see the younger generation try texting with one of those! They may come to understand the hardships of our youth, and how we walked uphill to school both ways…sigh…it’s hard getting old.

Let's welcome a new contributor for our first post of the new year. This article is courtesy of AJWanty!