Dear employer

Dear Employer,

What do you want from me?

I read your ads and go to your websites to learn about your company’s “mission,” and I am still baffled. Every want ad seems to require the separate and unique skill sets of at least three individuals all rolled into one neat package. And for all these skills you will pay the princely sum of $30,000 annually.

I know we are in a recession but no one can be all things to all people. Sound business strategy and a good sense of design, while not mutually exclusive, do not generally reside in the same brain. Would you ask Donald Trump to lay out a brochure? Keep in mind that his hair looks that way on purpose.

Even keeping in mind that the laundry list of skills I apparently need to possess to land the most entry level position may not be really what you require, but more of a fantasy on your part, dear employer, I still have questions about some of the other language used in your ads.

For instance, one ad recently stated a desire for a candidate with a “demonstrated sense of urgency."

What does this mean and how shall I demonstrate it in a resume and cover letter? Do I use plenty of exclamation points? Shall I convert my resume to ALL CAPS? Please, I would really like to know, because I really, really need a job badly.

Isn’t that urgent enough?

Thanks to our contributor, Mary, for this disheartening glimpse into her job search.  Fingers crossed for her, everyone.