Women, it is utterly essential that we go into the post-apocalyptic period with clear priorities and firm resolve. Unless we want surviving generations to be useless (albeit attractive) morons incapable of creating a new world order, we need to adhere to the following foolproof guidelines for selecting reproductive partners.
Brad Pitt = NO.
1. Movie stars
I'm truly sorry ladies, but if all he has to offer are charm, good looks and dubious acting ability, he is off limits. George Clooney may possibly just barely be acceptable, assuming his quick wit (indicative of a desirable level of intelligence) exists in real life and not only in scripted situations.
The following males will be designated undesirable: Brad Pitt, Jude Law and Leonardo Dicaprio. Keanu Reeves is to be shunned by all remaining humanity.
2. Tradesmen
If he can hammer, weld, calibrate, engineer or even just plain dig... jump him. Rebuilding society will take considerable brawn and practical know-how. The good news? Those of us who can cook and garden should, according to my highly-scientific calculations, be the future equivalent of bombshells. Even sewing will be hot.
Not bad, Senator. But the answer is NO.
3. Politicians
I'm just taking a stab in the dark here, but who exactly do you think got us into this apocalyptic mess in the first place? I'm pretty sure we should keep politicians off the breeding list.
4. Nerds
If a given nerd manages to survive the chaos of the immediate aftermath, it is safe to say that his stock is sturdy enough to merit mating. Intelligence is highly desirable, but only if the body carrying it does not constitute a liability to the rest of the survivors.
5. Musicians
(See Movie stars, above.)
Notable exception: Keith Richards. We're pretty sure he's some sort of incredibly durable alien, and bringing some of his genetic traits into our race could produce a perpetually ravaged superhuman, with a notable immunity to the effects of sex and drugs.
We've yet to catalog the complete range of males, so please feel free to share your thoughts on professional athletes, sensitive ponytail types, and men who sport tiny, tight swimwear.
George Clooney set up an entire telethon for Haiti - I think he could be considered good breeding stock. Unless Commitment issues are hereditary. As for politicians - I think we could make an exception for Barack....
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